Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Ice Cream Man

 I have an ice cream man in my neighborhood. I must admit that on numerous occasions I have had fantasies about stealing his music box and smashing it in the street. I've also considered offing him. But, ice cream trucks really only have a few drawbacks, so maybe I'm being too extreme.

Drawbacks of ice cream men(and women):

They blast that obnoxious music (something like battle hymn of the republic on crack) 8 times a day. I am not exaggerating, my ice cream truck passes by EIGHT times per day.
The children run into traffic for the sugar fix. (This is dangerous!)
After spending all their allowance on sugar, the kids can't afford an education.
The wrappers from the treats inevitably end up on my lawn. (and by lawn I mean cement patch out front)
The children are definitely still high on sugar when their poor idiotic parents who gave them money and let them leave the house at 9:45 pm for the last round (yes 9:45!) try to put them to bed.


Usually I am already in bed at this time, and I have to cover my head with a pillow and fight the urge not to go out there and pull that poor ice cream vendor out of the truck and beat him to a melted ice cream moosh. The only nice thing about the truck is that on a hot day, multi colored popsicles with jokes on the wrapper are only a dollar.

VA
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1 comment:

  1. KanoaJune 18, 2009 at 11:13 PM

    Have you ever wondered where that music comes from?

    Like, are there big corporations out there with seedy underbellies that manufacture the fake tunes?

    And how do people pick out the special song?

    Does it automatically come with the truck, or do they weigh the options and consider carefully... Pop Goes The Weasel or Mary Had A Little Lamb? Sproingy jack in the box sound effects or is that trying too hard?

    I have wondered these things now for almost 2 decades.

    Kendall

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